My fellow Americans, we are living in a truly historic moment in the history of this nation. We literally have Saints walking among us. They are almost Deity but not quite. When Deity appears before you, they are slightly elevated above the ground. These people are just regular Saints. But, make no mistake, they are very special. They have zero faults and are sinless. Imagine being faultless and sinless, that’s really major stuff. What’s surprising is they are suddenly everywhere, thousands of them. This throng of Saints are the ones calling for statues and memorials to human beings to be destroyed. These statues depict people that did great things, but unfortunately, they were sinners, their lives came nowhere near the perfection demanded by the Saints. When the Saints look upon these statues, it causes them great angst. If they happen to walk into the shadow cast by one of these statues, it sears their flesh, like the shadow of a crucifix on a vampire. These Saints have special powers, and their demands must be heard and acted upon. When they demand that a statue or memorial be taken down, the local governments responds immediately. God knows what would happen if anyone resisted, their whole city could be turned into a pile of salt, and the Mayors and City Council cast into the flames of Hell. No one wants to take that chance so they obey
No one really knows when the Saints began appearing in our midst, but it would seem fairly recently. To appease these exalted beings, I suggest a cleansing process start taking place fairly soon. I’m thinking we should give folks a chance to prepare, so June 1st seems like a good start date to me. I’m pretty sure this would take awhile, so let’s make the deadline for completion December 31, 2019. We can start the New Year in Sainthood, along with the New Green Deal.
To make this cleansing complete, we must rid ourselves of anything that reminds us of the lesser beings of our past. We must start anew. This of course means the destruction of all forms of written word except of course Apple instruction manuals, anything written by Steve Jobs, and Google. Consumption of animal flesh must end. All of our currency must have pictures of humans removed and reprinted with animal pictures. All white males in positions of power must be removed and replaced by women of color. All public right of ways that bear a humans name, must be renamed, except MLK. Also airports and buildings, especially John Wayne airport in Orange county. Any Navy ship bearing a presidents name must be renamed. Ford Chevrolet and Cadillac will have to be renamed. Most importantly, all Hollywood films will be on the top of the list to be destroyed. We all know how wretched those people are. CNN and MSNBC will surely be spared, they are avid supporters of the Saints. The people at Fox News could even be burned at the stake, with Jeff Zucker lighting the fires.
To make this cleansing absolute, Republicans must be driven out of all government buildings by force, wherever they may be. That pesky Constitution must be locked away, declared null and void. ICE and DHS dismantled, border enforcement ended, and Barrack Hussein Obama reinstated as the Supreme Leader. It will be Paradise Regained.
VERITAS VINCIT ~ LIVE FREE OR DIE